Well I should’ve realised that if I said the 183 was like a Holiday compared to other routes then something bad would happen.

On Monday, at about 12:30 in the afternoon, When you expect to just be carrying Grannies and people out shopping, you know, Nothing exciting along come something to wake you up.

A lady comes rushing to the front of the bus to tell me to call the police as there is a fight going on upstairs. Sure enough when I look at the CCTV Screen I can see two young men punching some guy.

Pull bus over to side of the road, Call a “code red” on the radio and it flashes up “QUEUE”. That’s right I’m in a queue for CentreComm (The London Buses control Centre). I’m connected to the same channel as another bus driver who seems to be talking as slowly as he possibly can.

By the time It’s my turn and i’ve relayed all the info the two blokes have walked off down a side street and the injured guy doesn’t want to know about police or Ambulances, Even though there is blood pouring down his face. All the other passengers who are now on the side of the road can’t believe that he doesn’t want help and then start to blame me for not making him wait for treatment.

Not quite sure how I can force him to stop if he doesn’t want to. Anyway, assistance cancelled via CentreComm (After stiiting in another queue) and we go on our way, 10 minutes late.

I won’t ever say how much of a Holiday the 183 is again!!

Very tiring week this week.

I swapped shifts with another driver so ended up on the 114’s all week. This route makes the 183 seem like a holiday! The 114 seems to attract the rougher side of society, More than it’s fair share. The type of people that use this route seems to change (for the worse) from South Harrow, With a little dip around Kenton Lane. To be honest, It is mostly the kids that are the problem who seem to think the bus is a mobile yoof club… Saying that, a 183 was set fire to the other week by some young female, Obviously the older side of our fleet wasn’t to her liking.

Anyway, It wasn’t a very eventful week. I found 7 old dear Freedom Passes out of date (expiry 31st March 2006) and when informed of the fact that they would not be able to use said pass and would have to pay £2 all pulled faces I’ve never seen before.

On Wednesday we had the great “Wheelchair Ramp Roulette” game at Harrow Bus Station. This game is quite simple to play, All you need is one of our buses, and somebody in a Wheelchair. The aim of the game is to guess what type of Wheelchair Ramp you have before you start to extend it. Will it be the ‘goes out straight away, touches kerb then stops’ type? (The most boring type for this game) or will it be the ‘Innie Outie’ Type? This one goes out to the kerb then shoots back inside the bus, Hiding from everyone. (Now this is the most exciting and fun type of ramp to play this game with) Or will it be the final ‘not coming out’ type? Well this round of the game we got to play with the Innie Outie type. Much fun was had by all for a good 5 minutes while I tried to get the ramp to stay out which it eventually did on my 8th attempt. You can tell how boring Wednesday was by the fact that this was indeed the Highlight of the day!

I heard through the grapevine that one of our buses had been in an accident on Saturday evening. Looks like the driver tried to take it through a 6ft6 width restriction in Edgware… Problem being bus is over 9ft wide… End Result Below (oops!)…

Today has been very busy with there being no Met line to Pinner from Harrow and also Temp Traffic Lights at Roe Green, Kinsgbury and the Junction of Kingsbury Road and Edgware Road in Hendon. Most buses were running 25-30 minutes late by mid afternoon and from about 14:30 onwards the Garage started to “Turn” buses at various places to try and get everybody back on time. So if you were waiting ages for a 183, Or you caught one and it ended at Harrow instead of Pinner today, Now you know why!

When you get on the Bus, and your Oyster card beeps twice and displays “Not Enough Money” then please don’t go into a big story about how you’ve “just put a fiver on mate”.

The reason I say this is because I don’t think many people realise that I can get a little printout about your Beloved little blue card.

It will tell me how much Pre Balance if left, What sort of Travelcard or Bus Pass is stored on the card, The Zones it’s valid for and the expiry date. It will also tell me the last 8 journeys you have made.

But the most important bit that goes with this tale is that I can see the last 3 topups you’ve made, How much for and the date you topped up.

Now that you know all this, When your Oyster beeps at you because it’s empty, Please just hand over two quid. Many Thanks.

Thursday at 8:35am….

Old lady gets on the bus and produces a Freedom (OAP) Pass.

Ticket Machines Beeps and displays “Not valid at this time of day”.

Me: Sorry It’s too early to use your pass.

OAP: And?!

Me: Well you will have to either pay the £2 fare or get off and wait until after 9am.

OAP: But I’m only going to Harrow (3 stops)

Me: Yes but It’s way before 9am so you won’t be able to use your pass.

OAP: So you are chucking me off the bus then?

Me: No, I’m telling you that if you want to travel before 9am then you will need to pay £2.

OAP: So you ARE chucking me off the bus, and you are going to make me wait out there in the rain?!

Me: Well if you are refusing to pay the £2 fare, then yes, you will need to get off the bus.

OAP: Mutters n Groans

Me: My dear, Noone held a gun to you head and told you you had to catch the bus shopping at 8:30 in the morning,

OAP: F*** You!

That was the highlight of my day on Thursday

Annoying things passengers ask when on buses:

1. “What Happened to the last bus?”

Why would I know?! Here I am driving my big red tin can on wheels, Not the one in front, not the one behind, Not the number 82 to Finchley, I’m driving THIS BUS and this bus only. Why is it so hard for people to understand that I don’t know the whereabouts of every bus at every minute?

2. [Bus sitting in Traffic Jam] “How longs this gonna take mate?”

One second I’ll just get my Crystal Ball out and let you know, Or better yet I’ll activate hover bus mode and will just go round the traffic.

3. “I’ve been standing here for over an hour”

Really?!? Well if that was the case on a route that runs every 10 minutes my bus would be bursting at the seams, Yet in fact all we have is two old dears and a mother with a buggy on board.. How odd!

4. “What time does the [Insert any other route than the bus I’m driving] go?”

Time for that crystal ball again, Or of course you could actually read the timetable your leaning against. I drive the same route backwards n forwards 3 times a day, day in day out. I don’t drive other routes, either with the company I work for or Metroline’s, First’s or even Arriva’s. If I could memorize every timetable in the area I’d be on Mastermind or something. Please don’t get arsey when I don’t know.

5. “Can I get off here mate?”

Err no sorry this is a Traffic Light/Roundabout/Zebra Crossing/Roadworks, It is not a Bus Stop, If it was there would be a great big pole sticking out the ground with BUS STOP on it. Now please go sit down and I’ll open the doors at the next stop.

6. “I’ve got a pass, Do you want to see it?”

Yes please, I do not have X-Ray vision. That means I can’t see through your wallet/purse/coat/handbag. If I didn’t need to see it then TfL/The Council wouldn’t bother issuing passes and the Bus would be a Free for all.

I’m Listening to:

Saturday was a day of pictures…