Annoying things passengers ask when on buses:

1. “What Happened to the last bus?”

Why would I know?! Here I am driving my big red tin can on wheels, Not the one in front, not the one behind, Not the number 82 to Finchley, I’m driving THIS BUS and this bus only. Why is it so hard for people to understand that I don’t know the whereabouts of every bus at every minute?

2. [Bus sitting in Traffic Jam] “How longs this gonna take mate?”

One second I’ll just get my Crystal Ball out and let you know, Or better yet I’ll activate hover bus mode and will just go round the traffic.

3. “I’ve been standing here for over an hour”

Really?!? Well if that was the case on a route that runs every 10 minutes my bus would be bursting at the seams, Yet in fact all we have is two old dears and a mother with a buggy on board.. How odd!

4. “What time does the [Insert any other route than the bus I’m driving] go?”

Time for that crystal ball again, Or of course you could actually read the timetable your leaning against. I drive the same route backwards n forwards 3 times a day, day in day out. I don’t drive other routes, either with the company I work for or Metroline’s, First’s or even Arriva’s. If I could memorize every timetable in the area I’d be on Mastermind or something. Please don’t get arsey when I don’t know.

5. “Can I get off here mate?”

Err no sorry this is a Traffic Light/Roundabout/Zebra Crossing/Roadworks, It is not a Bus Stop, If it was there would be a great big pole sticking out the ground with BUS STOP on it. Now please go sit down and I’ll open the doors at the next stop.

6. “I’ve got a pass, Do you want to see it?”

Yes please, I do not have X-Ray vision. That means I can’t see through your wallet/purse/coat/handbag. If I didn’t need to see it then TfL/The Council wouldn’t bother issuing passes and the Bus would be a Free for all.

I’m Listening to: